“What is the percentage of blind people married to sighted people?” my friend Velma asked just yesterday.
“I really don’t know.” I said.

Lovely though it is to have a friendship in which this question can be raised so easily, I realize there is much about dating and marriage among the blind that would make for valuable discussion. That is what we will be talking about during our next get together of Issues Facing Persons Who Are Blind.

Do you ever discuss marriage as a blind person with sighted friends? How do your sighted friends view marriage among the blind? Have you disabused them of any false notions or ideas you felt were unusual? Are there awkward aspects in discussing this with them? Does being married make you more equal in their eyes or more of a true adult? What has your experience with marriage been? If you are married to a sighted person, what are the benefits and liabilities? Many marriages have internal issues and power struggles, and one person often does something far better than the other. In a marriage between a sighted and blind partner, additional issues come to the fore. Are your choices and wishes regarding transportation respected by your partner? How do you keep your need for transportation or other help your sighted partner can give in balance without either of you feeling used? How do you decide where you will go and how to get there or the amount of time spent if you wish to do something your sighted spouse may not want to do? Do you work out other options with friends who may be going to the same event or use public transportation or Para transit? How has having a sighted spouse affected your marriage and relations with others, blind or sighted? We need help from time to time. How do you work out the boundaries or how much help your partner will provide to blind friends? What is difficult? How do your blind friends view your marriage or dating relationship with a sighted person? Do they feel you have sold out? Do they say, “things are easy for you, you have a sighted partner and you really don’t understand how hard things can be.” How do you stay in touch with blind friends? Does your sighted partner share these friendships?

Many people today are involved in a second marriage. Have you had the experience of dating or marrying both sighted and blind people? Would you have a relationship with only sighted or blind people? If you have been honest enough to say this, how has that been received among your friends? If you are dating a sighted person, what issues are difficult? How have your families responded to this relationship? We all have expectations based on our hopes for the future. Often, they begin in romantic dreams from childhood and teenage years. They come from family expectations and perceptions passed on to us from parents and other relatives. How has dating and marriage worked out for you? What lessons or advice would you give to others? Are there special issues that concern us, or is marriage ultimately a matter of effective ongoing communication, respect, and love, elements important in all marriage and dating relationships.
During our next meeting, we will discuss these and many other questions relating to romantic relationships. Whether you are dating a blind or sighted person or have been married for many years, we would like to hear your thoughts and concerns. Dating and marriage for many is something looked forward to and dreamed of. In many ways, a relationship in which we are loved by another is tied up with our own feelings of self-worth. Come join us on our next issues meeting to discuss a subject all of us have experienced or thought about.

Host: Ken Metz
E-Mail: kenmetz@dslextreme.com